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I get jealous from porn

Ever since I gave birth my husband doesn’t want to have sex with me, he is always not in the mood. One time at night, when he again told me he is not in the mood, I caught him watching porn and masturbating. Why does he prefer porn and what should I do?
S. N.

A great example of the issue is the Don Jon movie with Scarlett Johansson. The main character is addicted to porn, though he easily gets women to his bed. The constant change of partners does not allow him to develop a real relationship. Only when he realizes that sex is a way of feeling connected to another human being, this is when he gets rid of his addiction.

I get many letters like yours – for men who prefer to masturbate to porn. 90% of men with stable relationships do so – more or less frequently. What are the reasons?

1. Laziness – For men, sex is sometimes a tiring thing. You have to persuade the woman, to prepare her… It is much easier to do it alone with minimum complications.
2. It’s boring – he wants free sex, she wants it only in the dark and in the same position. It’s more interesting for men to “do it” with the freaky blonde from the screen.
3. They don’t get enough sex.
4. They don’t like the woman they are with – the woman’s body changes and this is not always accepted by men.
5. If you are tired – he does not want to harass you and handle it himself.
6. Insecurities – The more insecurities a man has, the more he masturbates!
7. Inability to relax – in his fantasies a man can be a character who he is not in reality.

For women: what should we do in this situation? Stop blaming yourself and him. It’s just a part of life, nothing terrible has happened. Offer to help him masturbate, show him how you do it.

For men: Ask yourself what you are missing and why you cannot do it with your partner. Stop porn for 30 days and observe the changes. Don’t be afraid of your reality and your feelings. Give yourself a chance to experience the pleasure of sex in reality.

For both of you: sit down and talk about trust in your relationship, your desires and longings, your sex life. Honest sharing is the first step to a decision. You can also make home porn, this is no less exciting for a couple!

Good luck!
Natalia

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