She was a mistress, beautiful, smart and sexual, but she constantly found herself in the role of a mistress. She was changing men and when she realized that they were married she was ending the relationship with great sadness. After a while she was falling in love again, but very soon she realized that he was married too.
Why does it happen always like this? – she asked me at the consultation. I want to have a real family and be a happy woman so much. However, I always meet married men, where is my problem?
When we attract married men, we should always look at our parenting family first. If one of our parents was cheating (even if you don’t know about it, the family field protects it), in 99% of the cases the child will have one or more of the following models:
- you will be dating married men
- you will be cheating on your man
- your man will be cheating on you
Cheating floats in our field anyway and we find ourselves in that field of lies and cheating again.
How can we stop this?
First, forgive the parent who has been cheating and tell him/her: You have the right to make your choices and they are only your choices.
Second, respect the other parent who has been suffering. We often, in such situation, start to feel sorry for the other parent, we don’t want to be like them and at the subconscious level we think: The wife is the one who is suffering and the mistress is the one who is truly loved and desired. By thinking this your brain starts to deceive itself and wants to be a mistress, not a wife.
The other reason to fall in love in married men is when our brain associates commitment with something very painful and unpleasant and deep inside we just don’t want to commit.
Ask yourself: I live with my husband every day… and if that still has not happened to me – where is the problem? Why do I feel like that? What is stopping me?
What will come out are precisely your limiting beliefs. In the Online transformation “Geisha 1” we work a lot exactly with that – to find out what your limitations and fears are. The good news is that when you find them and “catch” them, you can completely change your life. It doesn’t mean that even if you realize everything, it will be easy to break up with your married man. This is hard and painful and if someone tells you that it is easy, he is lying to you. Only someone who has truly loved is able to understand what means to break up with the person you love with all your heart just because it is the right thing to do. This is hell. But if you are ready to go through it, then be ready for the next question.
Ask yourself one question that helps me personally: Is it my standard to be with a married man?
If you really wanted the best for yourself and if you loved yourself – is this what you would choose? Be strong, be honest and love yourself at this moment. Give the right and honest answer to yourself.
If your answer is: No! I don’t want to be a mistress and if you really want to have a family, first, you state it to that man: It is not my standard to be a mistress, I want a marriage, a status and children. If he doesn’t choose to be with you within the first year, the chance becomes pretty low after that.
And if he is not ready for a change, then leave. Leave with your head held high, leave with dignity and pain in your heart, leave with good memories and respect for him and your relationship. Leave with hope and dreams that you are doing it in the name of something you truly believe in.
And then feel free to cry, to get drunk, to scream, to go under therapy, to change your job, to change your hairstyle, to have sex with a new partner. Yes, you have to heal yourself.
However, if your answer is: Yes, to be honest, I feel good now as a mistress, then just go through what you have to experience. But always be very respectful towards his wife, remember that she takes the first place and you take the second. If you respect her and appreciate her, your relationship can last for many years, sometimes even a lifetime. And sometimes the wife is happy with this situation as well (it’s not necessary for her to have sex all the time). Just remember one very important rule: if you are a mistress the safest situation for you is while he is married!
If his wife finds out about you, kicks him out and you become his new wife not at his choice but at his wife’s choice, then you are in danger.
Because a man who is used to have two women will have two women again. Be careful from the moment you become a wife after being a mistress, because it is very likely that he will need a new mistress.
Models are difficult to change, especially if people are not aware of them. Each couple is individual and you have to see what works for you.
We are with you in your truth.